Fr. Tim’s Sermon for the Feast of the Epiphany, Jan. 6th

The Adoration of the Magi by Edward Burne-Jones

Isaiah 60:1-6
Psalm 72: 1-7, 10-14
Ephesians 3:1-12
Matthew 2:1-12

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        Most of the stories we read in church are about the good examples.  Most often, we read of how God comes into people’s lives to change them and make them more holy, and these people turn to God and say, “Here I am, Lord.”  But not everyone.  Every now and again we get someone who isn’t exactly the best role model for our kids or grandkids.  Some people see God coming and they hide themselves, like Adam and Eve.  Some hear the word of God and they run the other way, like Jonah.  And some, like Herod, when they hear of a new star rising in the East, they are afraid.

And this story about King Herod comes on an important day.  For today is the Feast of the Epiphany, one of the major feasts of the church year.  Traditionally, there are three gospel stories associated with Epiphany: the wedding at Cana, where Jesus performs his first public miracle; the baptism of Jesus; and the coming of the three wise men.  In each, something new is happening.  Something unlooked for and un-hoped for comes about.  But in each, what seems like new turns out to have deep roots in the old. 

        But what is an “epiphany”?  This isn’t just a religious word.  We can use it in normal English, too.  It’s a sudden discovery, a sudden and powerful realization of how things are or how things work.  It’s like a scientist crying out “Eureka!”, but it’s not just a mental realization where you figure out how to solve a puzzle, but something where your whole self realizes something deep and true about the world.  It is the appearance of something holy, and something wholly other, in one’s life.  It is, in a way, a revelation of God.

        Epiphanies happen often in the Bible.  The Burning Bush is an epiphany.  Moses is walking along in the wilderness when, suddenly, he sees a bush on fire, yet not consumed.  Suddenly, he comes into the presence of God.  This happens to St. Paul, too.  Before he became the apostle to the gentiles, Paul went around persecuting Christians.  Then, one day, while he was riding into a city, a great light opens up from the sky and knocks him off his horse.  Then he heard a voice crying out, “Why are you persecuting me?”  The voice belonged to Jesus Christ, and it was a voice that turned Paul’s entire life around.  The voice and the light were epiphanies of God.

        But Epiphanies also happen outside the Bible as well.  They happen in ministry all the time.  One of my friends, another new priest who serves a parish down in Arkansas, told me about one the other day.  He had just gotten back from seeing some family after Christmas, and he was sitting in his office trying to get back into the swing of work.  But he felt unfocused in that Monday-after-a-vacation sort of way, and so, after fiddling around a little, he looked up and said, “Loving God, what do you want me to be up to today?”  And, literally fifteen seconds later, a gallon and a half of water pours through the light fixture above his desk.  “Ahh,” he said, “I see you want me to minister to the HVAC system upstairs!”

         Sometimes God calls us through a person in need, sometimes God calls us with water through the light fixture.  But all jokes aside, we witness to Epiphanies – we come into contact with God – when we are out in the world in ministry.  It doesn’t take a priest to see it.  A few weeks ago I mentioned how important our ministries – that to us can seem so small – are for people in need.  And when we are in people’s lives, living a life of hope and love, we see God at work constantly.  Miracles happen.  Sometimes they look like a sudden turn in a person’s health, and sometimes they look like doubt turned to hope in the final hours of life.  I saw them often while teaching.  For in teaching, like Christian ministry, you’re allowed into another person’s life, even for just a few moments.  But in that tiny amount of time, you’re given the opportunity to do such great acts of love.  Often it’s just being present, being just another human being sitting beside someone, often someone who’s confused or lost or doesn’t know where to go.  And that connection between two people, that’s where miracles happen, that’s where the love of God is made real and alive.  For, as Jesus says in the gospel of Matthew, “Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am in the midst of them.”

        And yet, King Herod is afraid.  Jonah hears the word of God, and he runs the other way.  Adam and Eve hide themselves from God’s presence.  And, in a way, we can understand this fear, because we ourselves have felt it, too.  I know there are many times when I myself have heard God’s call and said, “Nuh-uh” and booked it.  But, from knowing Herod’s fear in our own hearts, we also know what it does to us.  It hardens us, doesn’t it?  When we reject God, we shut everything else out, we see and we hear less clearly.  We put up walls like medieval castles, where you can only get in through big, strong doors defended by armored me with swords and arrows.  We think we can do it alone, where God says, “I give you a new commandment: that you love one another.”  And love always reaches out, not waits around to bite.

        Fear is never an aspect of God.  When the Bible talks about “fearing” God, what it means is respect, trust, hope, and loyalty.  But fear – that feeling to push away something, to turn and run from it, to stop up our eyes and our ears and our hearts because something is too big or scary – that fear is not what God’s about.  And because of that, it’s not an part of the Christian life.  The Christian life is to live with an open heart.  And that doesn’t mean that we can’t reflect on what is before us, or hold it in prayer before God.  But we must begin with that open heart.  And that can make all the difference.

        And this is why King Herod’s opposite in the gospels is Mary.  And not because she accepted the angel Gabriel’s word where Herod rejected it.  Remember back to the story we heard on Christmas Eve, when the shepherds come to Mary and Joseph, telling them that they’ve seen a great heavenly host.  What does Mary do?  She treasures these words and ponders them in her heart.  Or think back further, to the story of the Annunciation: when Mary hears that she will bear the Son of the Most High, what does she do?  She doesn’t turn away in fear like Herod, nor does she hop up immediately and say, “Here I am, Lord!”  She takes it all in and contemplates these things in her heart.  She is open to the words, she discerns them and considers them in love, and only then does she say, “Yes, be it unto me according to thy word.”

        We live in difficult times.  We live in times where people are constantly trying to draw lines and separate people.  And we Christians are called to resist those lines and that separation.  So, let us begin this new year with open hearts and hope that the foundation of this world is not fear and doubt, but God Almighty, the very source of all life and light.

 

Fr. Tim’s Sermon for December 23rd, 2018

Micah 5:2-5a
Canticle 15 (The Magnificat, Luke 1:46-55)
Hebrews 10:5-10
Luke 1:39-55

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        While I was in seminary, some of my friends and I went down to what is called the Shrine of the Blessed Sacrament in Hanceville, Alabama.  It was a massive structure out in the rural farmlands of the South.  St. James’ church could easily fit inside its courtyard, and it seemed like a giant could fit inside its doors.  The inside of the shrine was majestic, with pillars of marble and an altar all colored gold.  And above the altar was what’s called a monstrance: a kind of sunbeam to hold the consecrated Eucharist for adoration.

        It was a pretty amazing church, and praying there was a deeply beautiful experience.  But the church building itself wasn’t what struck my heart most deeply.  Downstairs of the nave, tucked away in a sort of corner off away from everything, was an alcove.  And in this alcove there were two pictures and a bench between them.  On one side was an image of Mary holding a child Jesus.  Jesus was about six or seven, and his hair was full and gold and curly.  Behind Mary was, if I remember correctly, a scene of Heaven, with golden clouds and angels attending the two.  And the look on her face: was joy.  Deep, calm, powerful joy down to the bones.  Untroubled joy, pure and kind.

        And on the other wall, opposite it, was a painting of Mary holding Jesus, dead, at the bottom of the cross.  Everything was grey: Jesus’ body, the muddy ground around the cross, and Mary’s face, which was no longer filled with joy, but sorrow and despair.  In both pictures, Mary was the same size and at the same height, so that when you turned your head from one to the other, the images of this woman blurred together.  It was a haunting image, and one that, for me, struck me deeper than any collection of gold or marble.  For it was an image of a person – a woman – not an figure or personality, but a human being.  It brought the story of Mary home to me like nothing ever really had.

        And one thing that these two images do, and one thing that Mary does for us, is challenge our understanding of what it means to be blessed.  For Mary’s song is one of the most beautiful in the whole of the Bible, and it’s beautiful because it knows that greatness, that being blessed and favored, doesn’t mean just being lucky.  But we use the word this way sometimes, don’t we?  I once heard a friend, talking about a mutual friend who seemed, somehow, to avoid mishap and failure that, “Well, Frank just lives a blessed life.”  Or, I once saw a post online where someone, who was a student, celebrated that he had done well in a class by posting “#blessed.”  And while I don’t like to criticize other Christians from the pulpit, there are some Christians out there who believe that the more stuff you have – the more successful you are – the more blessed you are.  If God loves you, they think, God will show it in the form of money, stability, and joy.

        But I don’t think that’s the way God works.  I don’t think that’s what “blessed” means.  And it’s certainly not what “blessed” means in the Magnificat, in Mary’s Song.  For here, being blessed doesn’t mean being favored over others, or having a lot of stuff, or being lucky.  Being blessed means being loved.  It means being lifted up when we’re low; it means being given food when we’re hungry – and not just any food, but good food.  It means being granted mercy, and mercy often when we don’t even deserve it.  Being blessed means having love as our foundation.

        But it also means more.  Being blessed doesn’t just mean being loved.  God loves us all, and that’s why he sent Jesus Christ, to be with us and walk with us, to teach us and to heal us.  But being blessed also means being given life, and the responsibility of life.

        Back when I was first getting into the study of theology, a friend of mine gave me a book by John Paul II called Love and Responsibility.  Now, as a young man, I was taken aback: “love and responsibility”?  I thought love was about freedom, about joy, about the fullness of life (you can probably guess how old I was when I got this book).  I balked at the idea of a “responsibility” in love.  But then I got married, and then I had a daughter, and then two.  Last week I spoke about the joy of holding my daughters, and that is a deep joy, but there’s also a weight, a weight of love that ties me to these children, to a future, to laughter and to tears, and to life.  It is a weight of life that I now carry with me.

        And all this is to say that being blessed didn’t keep Mary from grief.  Being blessed didn’t mean that Mary was allowed to live a life free from care, where all her needs were met, and sorrow and grief were unknown things that other people deal with.  Being blessed didn’t keep her from joy, either, of course, but it didn’t keep her from grief, either, because being blessed did not keep her from life.  Mary was entrusted with life, as we all are, and that weight of life brought her to the golden heavens of one picture and the grey despair of the other.  And the Christian life is sitting on that bench between the two.

        Think, for a moment, of your own lives as Christians.  Think of the lives that you have touched.  Think of the good that God has done in this world through you.  Think of the people you’ve lived with: those who’ve been sick, or heartbroken, or lonely; or the children you’ve taught and guided, that you’ve spent a few extra hours or even just minutes with so that they know someone’s cared.  Think of the people you’ve prayed for, those who have lost their homes in the fires in California, or Father Yohana’s Little Scholar’s School, who ask for things as simple as clean water.  Think of the people who come to the food pantry who you give bags of food to without any question.  Think of all the lives you’ve touched, even the ones when, if someone compliments you, you say, “Nah, that wasn’t all that big.”  Think of all those lives for whom you have been a blessing, because you have been, for them, life.  And think, too, of those who have been life for you, and in all these things you will see an image of the Church, which is Christ’s body in this world for the salvation and redemption of us lost and broken people.

        And this life, this little life which is the infant Christ, and this life that will then die on the cross, and this life that will then rise from the dead.  This life that is God, the one who is and was and forever shall be, world without end, this life is the life that we are given.  We are given Heaven in Jesus Christ.  And this is a life that will heal the world.

Fr. Tim’s sermon from December 16th, 2018

Zephaniah 3:14-20
Canticle 9, the First Song of Isaiah (Isaiah 12:2-6)
Philippians 4:4-7
Luke 3:7-18

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        It’s a good day today for lighting our pink candle, isn’t it?  This morning, Helene and I bundled up the kids and ourselves and set ourselves for a cold and blistery morning, but when we got outside it felt like spring.  It’s still the usual December dim, and the sky is blue with rain, but it’s warm and windy.  It’s the perfect day to think about our pink Advent candle set amidst all the dark purple of the rest of the wreath.

        For the color pink is a symbol of joy, hope, and expectation.  There’s just one other pink day in the church year, do you know when?  It’s in Lent, and it’s also towards the middle-end of the season.  Again, it’s a single day of pink set deep within a penitential season.  Twice a year we are asked to think about this joy in darkness.  It says, I believe, something very important about joy and something very important about sorrow.  It says that, no matter how much sorrow we experience in life, no matter how much hardship, we should not forget the joy of Christ.  Christ is the light in the darkness, which no darkness may overcome. 

        But what do we mean by “joy”?  What is this joy of the pink candle, the joy of the light of Christ.  In Philippians, St. Paul says that we should rejoice in the Lord always, so does this mean we always have to be happy?  Now, I’m a pretty optimistic, happy guy, but I would be completely exhausted if I had to be happy all the time.  Back in high school, I used to have a pair of yellow sunglasses that I called “Happy Glasses.”  They made everything bright and yellow and spring-like, even on grey days, and they always cheered me up.  But after I wore them a while, I had to take them off and see the world for what it is.  Some days, grey weather suits the mood just fine.  Some days, it is good to rest.  Some days, it is okay to be sad.  Not every day is a roller-coaster, Paul.

        But I don’t think being happy all the time is what Paul’s getting at when he says, “Rejoice in the Lord always.”  Joy isn’t only about being happy or excited all the time.  It certainly can be, but joy can also be quiet, it can be peaceful, and it is always healing.  A perhaps silly example is when I went on a trip to Hawaii.  I had been living in Japan for a year or so then, and my parents wanted to see me.  We decided to meet up at the halfway point between Japan and New Jersey, which is Hawaii.  Now, my plane got to Honolulu in the morning, and my family wasn’t due to land until the afternoon, so I went exploring.  Or, rather, I went in search of a place to have breakfast, because I was starving. 

        It was, though, pretty early, and the only store open was a TGI Fridays that was serving breakfast.  And, now, let me say, I love Japanese food, but there’s nothing like a good American breakfast of pancakes, bacon, and eggs.  The Japanese don’t really do eggs and bacon; their traditional breakfast is rice, fish, and miso soup.  And while I kinda like that as a meal, my inner American was demanding some pancakes, so I ordered the works.  And it was so delicious.  Everything was perfect – it was exactly what I had hoped for.  And it was really so good that I started crying.  And the waitress came up and asked in a hurry, “Oh, dear are you alright?”  And I just nodded and said, “It’s just so good.”

        C.S. Lewis, our great Anglican writer of the 20th century, wrote a lot on Joy.  For him, “Joy” was the part of a thing or an experience that led the heart to God.  Lewis found “Joy” in his community of friends, in a pint of beer and a pipe, but also in walking in the British countryside.  And perhaps one of his greatest joys (if I can speak for him) was that, after remaining a bachelor for most of his life, he married a woman whose name was Joy.  And Joy taught him more about the goodness and grace of God than he could have ever imagined.  Lewis found joy, and found God, in good things like laughing with his friends and calm, peaceful moments with his wife.

        Did I find God in that breakfast in Honolulu.  In a way, I did.  Those weren’t just eggs and bacon that I ate.  It wasn’t just a tall glass of orange juice.  It was home.  It was a breath of air that I knew to my bones.  It was soil that I had been planted in as a child.  You probably know the feeling after getting home from vacation.  No matter how good the vacation was, there’s something glorious in stepping back into your own home, washing off the dirt of travel, and sleeping in your own bed.  And this goodness that I’m talking about – of eggs and bacon, of laughing with friends, and of CS Lewis finding a wife late in life – this stuff isn’t just good because it is comforting or feels homey.  It’s good because it all reminds us that we have a True Home, one that will never fade, and that is with God in Heaven.  By enjoying those eggs, I was looking to God.

        Am I going to far here?  Am I just exaggerating.  I mean, they’re just bacon and eggs, right?  It’s just laughing with some buddies, right?  Yes, but we also say, every Sunday morning, that something as simple as bread and wine can be the very Body and Blood of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  When Paul says “Rejoice in the Lord, always, again I will say, Rejoice” he doesn’t want you to just leap up and laugh and play.  He wants you to see that God is present in all the different parts of human life, in both laughter and in tears.  He wants you to look at your eggs (or whatever folks ate for breakfast in his day) and say, in this I can learn of the love of God.  He wants you to look to your brother and your mother, your friends, your church, and your community and see God standing with and among them.  Paul wants you to have Christ so firmly planted in your heart that when you see the rising of the Sun, you smile and see the rising of Christ; or that when the Sun sets you see the rest that God gives us every day.  Or that when we do something so simple as reach out, shake someone’s hand, and say to them “Peace of the Lord” we are giving to them the gift of Heaven. 

        Back in 2015, when Gwendolyn was born, a friend in seminary gave me a small book of meditations about parenthood.  That time was exhausting, I remember, trying to figure out how to be a father, how to change diapers, and how to support Helene.  In those first few weeks, there were nights when I don’t think either of us slept.  But in this book, I remember one meditation that talked about the grace of simply holding a child.  This small act, just sitting still with a sleeping child – my sleeping child – this alone was a grace, this alone was the love of God right here in my life. 

        This, for me, was a deep, deep joy.  Some of you may share similar memories.  Or for some of you, your joy may be louder, more exuberant.  Your joy might be in a stadium in Eugene or Corvalis.  Your joy might be listening to music in the car with the windows down.  Your joy may be in the past, and your joy may be in the future.  But whatever the case, Paul reminds us, rejoice in it.  Those things you love, those things you love with a full and open heart, God is in them, for God is love.  And so, says Paul, rejoice and give thanks, for the Lord is in our lives even now, filling our hearts and lifting them up to the Lord.  May we praise God for ever and for ever more.

Fr. Tim’s Sermon for December 9th, 2018

Malachi 3:1-4
Canticle 16 (Luke 1:68-79)
Philippians 1:3-11
Luke 3:1-6

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        Goodness gracious, Luke.  I didn’t know this was going to be a history test!  What’s with all these names?  “In the fifteenth year of the reign of Emperor Tiberius (oh, which one was that), when Pontius Pilate was governor of Judea (oh, good, I know him; he’s the guy with Jesus at the end), and Herod was ruler of Galilee (I know him, too; he’s the guy who kills John the Baptist, right?), and his brother Philip (who?) ruler of the region of Ituraea and Trachonitis (wait, where?) and Lysanias ruler of Abilene (huh?), during the high priesthood of Annas and Caiaphas (I think I remember that last guy), the word of the God came to John son of Zechariah in the wilderness.”  That’s.  a.  mouthful.  I had to look up half of these names to figure out how to pronounce them.  And if John hears the word of God in the wilderness, what does all this stuff about kings and emperors and rulers who have been dead two thousand years have to do with anything?  Why does Luke care, and why does he think we should care about who ruled what when?

        Well, let’s try this.  Instead of talking about biblical times, let’s do Luke’s thing in our own time.  So: “In the second year of the presidency of Ronald Reagan, in the year when the film E.T. – the Extra Terrestrial was wowing audiences, when Michael Jackson released his hit album, Thriller, when John Belushi died of a drug overdose, when stamps cost 20 cents and a movie ticket about three dollars, and in the year when the first artificial heart was implanted in a human, your vicar Timothy Hannon was born.”  Fwew.  Did you get all those references?  Now, I could easily have said, “I was born in 1982”, and this would have given you all the information you needed about how old I am.  But that would have been just a number, and a number isn’t what’s important about a person.  I hope that when I was describing the things that happened in the year I was born, you heard a little voice say, “E.T. phone home”, or you saw in your mind Michael Jackson doing the moon walk, or thought of the Blues Brothers, or thanked God, perhaps, that we have such medicine as artificial hearts.  I hope you experienced that, and more, in one sweeping image.  That’s the world I was born into, and knowing that world helps you learn just a little bit more about me.

        This is what Luke wants us to experience as well.  And while we might not know who Herod’s brother Philip was, and while we might not be moved in the same way by the name Lysanias of Abilene as we might be the name Ronald Reagan, I think we can still see what Luke wants us to see: the gospels are no fiction.  This all happened in history, and Luke wants his audience back in the first century to remember what it was like living under Pontius Pilate, or of the stories their parents and grandparents used to tell about Herod.  And John the Baptist and Jesus Christ, Peter and Judas and the rest of the apostles, they did not walk around in some never-never land.  As my high school chemistry teacher used to say, “This ain’t no play-like.”  No.  This is real.  John called on folks to repent beneath the same sun we sitting under today; and Jesus went to get baptized in the river Jordan, that same river that, if you don’t mind a long plane trip and have the money, you yourself can go and see and swim in.  And, to skip ahead to the end of the story, Jesus was crucified on a real hill outside a real city.  This stuff is real, and it really happened, and that’s one of the reasons it’s all so important.

        Now, I preach often about the “realness” of Jesus Christ.  I think it’s important that we remember, and remember often, that Jesus Christ was a living, breathing human being.  He had hands, he sat by the fire and listened to stories, he slept and sneezed, laughed and cried.  Remembering this teaches our heart that God is not some far distant entity, sitting alone in some heaven that we can’t even hope to reach.  God became a human being to bring a message of love and hope and peace.  And when Luke rattles off the names of six rules like it’s nothing, he’s trying to remind us of just this fact.

        But there’s another sort of realness that Luke’s trying to remind us about.  It’s the realness of the world.  Now, in the Bible, oftentimes “the world” is the bad guy.  We Christians are called to live apart from the world, to step away from the ways normal people live and accept a higher and more godly calling.  We Christians are meant to be counter-cultural, and not in the way that we all should be hippies or something, but that we are called to be guided by something much different from what our cultures say is good and right to do.  St. John, in his gospel, reminds us that we should only have one father, one single person who we follow, and that is our father in heaven.  We Christians follow a higher law.

        But, that said, we Christians are called at the same time to work within the world.  The world is real, and it is a place where we may – and often do – encounter God.  For God is everywhere, everywhere trying to push his way in to fill the world with a greater light.  One of professors at seminary used to tell us this, half joking, when she said that we need to develop a theology of administrative work.”  We all laughed, but she was series.  She said, “When you become priests, you’ll be called to fill out schedules; to record attendance for annual reports; to answer the phone; to chair meetings; and to call the repairman.  You might think all this is all just extra stuff, but that leaves God out of so much of your work.  Being a priest isn’t only about the deep, spiritual stuff; you will do all the boring, little things around a parish.  Find God in all aspects of your work, and you will forever be gracious and loving.” 

The Rev. Dr. Patti Hale up in Springfield taught me this one day.  Back while I was discerning a call to the priesthood, I was shadowing her to see what it was like being a priest.  And, one day, I pulled up to St. Matthew’s and there she was, out in the front of the church, pulling weeds from the garden.  “This is also the work of a priest,” she said, wiping her brow.  “Because God’s in the dirt, too.”

        At the end of every service, the deacon always says (and since we have no deacon, I say it) what’s called the dismissal.  “Go in peace, to love and serve the Lord” or “Go forth, rejoicing in the power of the Spirit.”  And what this means is, “Go, and lift the world to God with love.”  Because, goodness gracious, the world needs it.  Pain and suffering are real, and people – real people – live lives in lonely despair without hope.  And St. Luke reminds us, St. Luke together with all of the Bible, that it was to this world where darkness and despair are real that God came to do the work of salvation.  And so we are called to do the same.  We are called to be a light to the world, to remind a grieving world that goodness and love and hope are not just nice things to think about when the weather’s fair, but that they are the foundation of true reality. 

        So go into the world, and rejoice in the power of the Lord, for you are all torchbearers for God.

Fr. Tim’s Sermon for December 2nd, 2018

Jeremiah 33:14-16
Psalm 25:1-9
1 Thessalonians 3:9-13
Luke 21:25-36

Click here to access these readings.

[sarcastically]

I would wish you all a Happy Advent, but, well, I can’t. It’s Advent and, in Advent, we’re not allowed to be happy. We’re not allowed to laugh, and we’re not allowed to even smile. Advent’s a penitential time, and that means it’s a time when we’re all supposed to act really sad and think about all the horrible things we’ve done. Lisa and I have picked out some really depressing music, too. In seminary, I took a class called “How to make sure your congregation is penitent during Advent and Lent.” It wasn’t a very fun class, but that’s how it’s supposed to be.

[in a normal voice, now]

       Now, when I was teaching, my students said that I have a very straight face when I’m being silly, so I should stop right now and tell you: I’m joking. Yes, it’s Advent, but you can joke. Yes, it’s a penitential season, but you can smile and have fun. Yes, we’re all dressed up in purple and things are a bit dimmer with rainy weather and all, and our liturgy will be a bit more contemplative, but that doesn’t mean we have to be sad and mopey.

Advent, just like Lent, is a penitential season. That is indeed why the vestures and hangings are purple. And that is why the readings today, and those for the rest of Advent, have a somewhat somber tone. And that’s all well and good, but I think when we hear the word “penitential” we often think of doing “penance”: and doing penance is never fun. Penance, we think, is what you do after you sin to make up for all the bad stuff. The old image of the sacrament of Confession is when a person tells the priest all their sins (through this little window in a tiny, dark confessional), and the priest says, “Ahh, yes, well; that was very naughty, so say fifteen Our Fathers and forty Hail Mary’s and call me in the morning.” I once read an account of medieval penance, where, if a priest dropped the sanctified host on the floor, he’d have to clear out the church and kneel on the hard, cold, stone floor for the rest of the day, praying the psalms. Penance, we often think, is what you do to hurt yourself into doing the right thing, to give you such a bad memory of the repercussions that you don’t do it again. And, I’d like to say, even though I love the medieval period, I think it’s a pretty good thing that we’re not that sort of penitential anymore.

And yet, even still, we are called to penance during this time of Advent. But what is good penance, then? I could give you the dictionary definition, but I’d rather tell you about growing up in rural New Jersey at my parents’ house in the woods. You see, in the house, there was a room that we called the “living room”, though we rarely went in there. When we gathered as a family, we did it around the kitchen table, or on the couch in another room, or our own rooms where we kept our toys. The living room was for special occasions. There was a big table on one side that could fit 10 people, and on the other were couches which, I remember, I was definitely not allowed to jump on. There were also two great wardrobes, and one filled with an old set of Shakespeare and Dickens; and on one of the end tables, there was an old washing basin that rattled whenever you went past, even if you snuck by. The walls in this room were painted white, but all the rest was dark: dark wooden floors and dark moulding. There was also a great hearth that was so big that I could still fit inside it, even now, and, standing heavy above it, a long, dark, thick mantelpiece.

This room, the “living room”, was where we had Thanksgiving dinner. As a child, I remember walking around between all the tall adults, wondering what in the world they were talking about, smelling the delicious food before I saw it, and sitting at that great table with people I only saw once or twice a year. It was warm, and the food was filling, and there was joy in the air. It was Thanksgiving.

But then Thanksgiving would be over. My birthday would pass, and it would be Advent. The house was decorated, and we listened to Christmas music, and everything was very festive, but…something changed in the air from Thanksgiving. It was colder. All the trees in the forest had lost their leaves. The grass was dim, and there was a feeling in the air that it might snow, but not yet, not yet. And the sky was white, and the trees are dark brown, just like the white walls and dark woodwork of the living room. And even with the Christmas music on, there seemed a quietness to the house that was of no one’s making. All was still and patient and waiting.

And when December 1st came, we would start our Advent calendar. This was a felt hanging with pockets that we put on the door just before the living room. And on it were little scenes of Santa Claus preparing for Christmas. In one, he was wrapping gifts; in another he was decorating a tree. In one he was pushing his car that had got a flat tire (this one always confused me; why was Santa driving a car?) And in each, he was alone: just him and the small chores of the season. Now, in each pocket was a little chocolate treat that my sister and I would get if we finished our dinner. But there were only twenty-four pockets, not twenty-five, so that Christmas seemed like a whole other world, a new reality just beyond the edge of sight.

These were just some of the traditions we had as a family while growing up. And, now that I’m older, I see that there was a sort of penance in all of it. There was a penance in waiting, of keeping that living room free of normal, everyday life, of keeping it sort of holy. There was a penance in those white walls and deep, dark fireplace that mirrored the trees outside, swaying in the chill air against a cloudy sky. There was a penance in that Advent calendar, even though each day I got chocolate from it. There was a penance in watching Santa go through the month, day by day, keeping time, alone, with decorations and preparations; and there was a penance in the wonder of realizing, even so young, that when Christmas came, the world really would be different – and not because I’d have new toys to play with, but because the world itself would remember – it would feel the reverberations of that day two thousand years ago when everything did change.

And what is this penance? What is this penance that Advent calls us to? It is life. It is a penance written deep into the world and into our lives. It is a penance of reflection, of allowing the old things in our lives that are dead and dying to fall away, as the trees lose their leaves, at first one by one, then all at once. It is a penance of prayer that doesn’t bite or pinch, but that sits down with you at a great fireplace below a thick mantle, and sips coffee or tea with you, while you and God slowly take stock of the world. It is a penance that first is empty, that clears and cleans and lets fall away, and remains that way, so that we may breathe the crisp air. And in the end, that emptiness will be filled: by God. Those silent times before the slowly crackling blaze will become the joy and laughter of rebirth and new life in Christmas and Epiphany. And those bare trees will, one day, bear leaves and fruit again. But not yet. Not yet, for first we must sit with the world in her darkness and wait for that day that is on no calendar, when the Lord will come again.

So let us end together, and read in unison the collect for today: Almighty God, give us grace to cast away the works of darkness, and put on the armor of light, now in the time of this mortal life in which your Son Jesus Christ came to visit us in great humility; that in the last day, when he shall come again in his glorious majesty to judge both the living and the dead, we may rise to the life immortal; through him who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.